Options

I have a few options for today. One is taking care of me. Two, going to see a guy and have some fun. Third, staying home and listening to something I don't care about. There's risks for all but, I just don't know. Or I do things a bit different and take care of me by asking my parents to come with me to share with them what's been happening. There's to many options!!! How can I choose. All sound great. But at the same time I need to take care of myself. I just don't know. I feel lonely.

1 year from now

Where do I want to be in one year from today???  What are my goals?

I want.... I really don't know so lets do this way.

Goals
1) Finish Medical Coding and Billing Course work.
2) Establish a routine and stick to it
3)  On the path to recovery from depression and anxiety

Those are my top three.... now how do I make them so I accomplish something on them daily. Class is a bit easier, I need to establish a routine with learning something new every day, and recovery I have learned takes a routine to get through.

What does my routine look like??
It has to be flexible as I don't know what type of job that I want or can have.
Needs to include:
        Positive Affirmations
        Brush Teeth
        Exercise
        Meditation
       

The words I can't say

I want out of my head! But that gets misinterpreted as you're suicidal.... No people it's not that. I just need a break from all the screaming, yelling, and general annoyance of my head. It's that simple. Yet no one understands.

I have conversations that don't play well with each other, and then the arguments start happening. How else can I escape my head? Normal ways don't help long enough. I've tried to manage but I come up short. I'm an addict. Yet some say it's an OCD problem..... Hum..... That says it's all me. Thanks for your confidence in me. Stop telling me what it could be and say what could help. I need a plan! I'm terrible at following but if it actually helps then fine.

Then we turn to the concept of God. To some it's a person. To others some impossible place that can't be reached on my own. I think it's the second.

Then again who knows!!! God says to read and study the Scriptures but I can't focus to read. What's the point?! Maybe I'm too far passed help. Yet who can help? All I've been told is to work it out. Well I'm sorry but I just can't! I don't freaking know how!!!! So tell me this. How do I balance my time when I seem to just get worse and don't know what to focus on???

Thanks for letting me vent.