Current State

Words do not come easy. I feel depressed again..... all because I got dumped. I don't know what it will take to wake me up.

Car Accidents can Change you

This past week has been rough... I had a minor fender bender, that resulted in a sore back and a dented and cracked bumper. The pain has gotten to me, and it enticed me to use. I'm not proud of it. In fact, I have had issues with my mental state. I have been down. The last car accident totaled my car. and landed me where I am today, living with my parents. I was feeling lost. and not sure where to go. More stresses are pilling up all around me. and I just need a self-care day... but I need to write a paper, and do some training..... I feel overwhelmed. I know where this all leads.... right back into addiction. I had one slip today, I don't want another... I need an attitude adjustment... I'm dangerously low and I am afraid that I can't or don't want to catch it in time...

Am I in trouble...??? I want to scream. I have 3 days to complete my paper and it's halfway done. I can do this. but Can I really do three jobs?????? Time will tell I need a break.

New experiences

I recently got a new device, now I want to look at things I shouldn't, and the temptation is real. So instead I'm blogging. My fight is to not use my addiction for 30 days for a reward. And All I want to do is use. I have a guy friend who doesn't know but might know to get to know me. It's tough though. I want to tell him for support. I recently broke off another relationship that was long distance. I'm thrilled I did. I just felt that 1 hour is better than a guy that doesn't drive and wanted me for my body. This guy wants me for me.  I learned quite a bit last night, and it felt good to get close to him but to keep it PG. It's tough though. I want so much more, but I can't have it that way.

I did start a master's degree program. And it's hard work. This week is about self-care. Something I Need to focus on. And I'm getting help from Grammarly.com it's been a lifesaver.