SPRING!!!!

Spring has come... but the weather seems to be a bit Bipolar... Sunny one day, rain the next, then snow... is this spring or some other season.

The warmer weather helps the mood. over the past month I haven't really had to many suicidal thoughts. But once something goes wrong with my physical body, that's when I turn to the idea of seeing the pain that I feel inside me.....Since Monday, I have choked once, and my throat has been very tight... So I went in to the doc, and I have a test later that I"m a bit scared for.

Is there anything else??? Always. I haven't had the will to post, since I haven't had to many disturbing thoughts. I've been doing well... that is until yesterday...

On a brighter note, I have had a lot of time to study, but a lot of time to think.

Spring Break

Either this week will be good for me financially or mentally it will be draining.... Which will it be??

Things I have done today.....
Got up, took meds on time, worked out for 45 minutes, eat

Other than that, I'm writing which is a good thing, but at the same time I wonder if I'll do much.....Reasons why I wonder this are this.... I like Netflix and that's what's one constantly, 2, I have had time to practice my various instruments and today I just haven't done so, I've found reasons to not practice.

Is there more reasons?? mmmmm... that I"m not sure about....

Don't give up, just yet.

Don't give up.... on your dreams... on your life... on yourself. Once you give up on yourself, it take s a while to start to give yourself a chance.

I have spent the last 2 months down, and depressed, and suicidal.... feelings that I don't have right now... correction I still feel depressed but it's a normal for me. It's what I have known for the last 6 years. If I had given up, I would not be here.... and I wouldn't have my mind back now.

In the last two months, I have been in the Behavioral Unit... not once... but twice... and through that, I have found myself again. I can study, and recall the information. My grades are improving. I'm getting better....

The minute I let the depressed feelings in, that's the minute that I start to spiral down hill... and it happens quickly for me. And I'm not far from the self harm thoughts. I've struggled, but now I can be a strength to those around me...

Remember, Don't give up, just yet. And this requires doing the little things, i.e. getting up, going to class, being around people, exercise, and writing... The little things help us to remember not to give up.

I won't give up.... I know I'm worth the time and to give up is to say, "God, I just don't care about me, and I must not be worth the time." But the truth is, God does want us to turn to Him, because we are worth the time and effort to fix, and to help us grow.

OH.. I almost forgot.... Happy PI day everyone... 3.14 get it....