realization

Tomorrow is the first day of classes and the third time attempting music as a major/minor. ..... booth attempts has resulted in a susspention. I got word on my audition and did not get in. That day I was suicidal, tonight I'm scared.  All along my subconscious has been trying to tell remind me about the previous two attempts. Can I do this without fear, tears, and harm thoughts? Can I admit that I need help and support? I know one thing, I neeed sleep....very good sleep.