New experiences

I recently got a new device, now I want to look at things I shouldn't, and the temptation is real. So instead I'm blogging. My fight is to not use my addiction for 30 days for a reward. And All I want to do is use. I have a guy friend who doesn't know but might know to get to know me. It's tough though. I want to tell him for support. I recently broke off another relationship that was long distance. I'm thrilled I did. I just felt that 1 hour is better than a guy that doesn't drive and wanted me for my body. This guy wants me for me.  I learned quite a bit last night, and it felt good to get close to him but to keep it PG. It's tough though. I want so much more, but I can't have it that way.

I did start a master's degree program. And it's hard work. This week is about self-care. Something I Need to focus on. And I'm getting help from Grammarly.com it's been a lifesaver.

Thoughts on me

I'm listening to good music, why don't I feel happy, why do I feel confused?!

I have one foot in and one out. I long to be near someone.... Yet i am so far away.

I want to hurt, I want to feel, I want to be me. Is that too much to ask for?

Apparently it is too much to ask.

Over the past 4 months I have been isolated from relationships. But that's not working for me. I need people. I need something in common. But is that one thing in common what I want?

I'm bored. Don't know what to do. No real friends. Only those that are far away. The ones that I have are superficial or only want one thing.

So how can I be someone I'm not? But who is this person? I've lost myself, and I hate it.

Frustrating Men

First off, this isn't about any one person, just the greater male species. This does not apply to every male out there. This is a rant, a vent of frustration!!

Why is it that no matter what, those who are addicted to pornography, seem to assume everything revolves around the them?! Not only that but they assume that some people are bots!

I just want to find one man that treats me right, that will restore my faith in men. When I say no, they don't listen!!!! They want what they want and can't stop themselves. Especially if they are addicted to pornography/sex!

I'm sitting at home alone, slightly negative thoughts running through my head, I can't escape them. Why can't I escape??? I try, then the thoughts return. I need someone beside me.