That went well.... NOT!!! So much for a happy ending today

I thought about what I had discussed in Therapy this week, and realized that I have to do the harder part... Live with what I have discovered, and not try and change my family. Life get's harder when you have to keep things from those you love. I'm sure that my sister would attack me and blame everything that I say on me, and either my parents take both sides or just one. Either way, what I have found out I keep it to myself and try to change me instead of talking.

Normally I wouldn't recommend this for anyone, but it seems like I have no choice. What's worse is with this the suicidal thoughts are high... Another song comes to mind, by Avril Lavigne  called My Happy Ending.

So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[Chorus:]
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the stuff that you do [radio edited version]

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[Chorus]

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

[Chorus x2]

[x2]
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
So much for my happy ending

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh... 

I have to hide quite a bit from those around me, especially my family.  It shouldn't be this way. But I can't do anything about that. I know for sure at this time, I can't bring anything of how I feel to the one person I live with, worst part is, that one person is my sister. I keep having to put up a thick wall, and eventually it's going to crash down on me. Worst of all the Fourth Of July is my 8 year anniversary for having suicidal thoughts. And it had happened after a vacation where I lost a part of me that I have not yet gotten back.

After the hard day of today, tomorrow is going to be worst.... I'm already in a fragile position. And I'll be around people, but I won't have any one to really rely on or even talk too. I really hate my life right now.