Put it all in or DEATH

That's my ultimate choice. Do I continue in the path and just die, or do I actually work for what I want in life?? So what do I want in life??

A year ago I wanted
1) To Lose 20 pounds
2) Track social engagements
3) Complete my Bachelor's Degree
4) Read 3 Nephi (Yes I am LDS)
5) Learn major thirds on Clarinet
6) Contact and Job shadow
7) Read a few books
8) Contact Professor about credit load
9) attend the 25 or older institute class


Of those I have done: 3

I don't even want to look at the 5 year goals if these are not being worked on. I just lost interest in life. And that is the problem. I thought it was Motivation problems but, in reality it was self-sabotage. Right now I didn't like who I am. I hate the fact that I only did a third of my goals.... what was I thinking, of just putting the goals on the shelf?

I can't just have things just sit on the shelf anymore, I have to get off my butt and get to work.

I have had to take a pay cut, and so far I don't know how to survive. I have to do something, or I'll sabotage myself and end up in the hospital..... again.... and that would only confirm the need for disability, but I am just challenged... I can do this, I just have to put more effort into my life and do something with my life, NO more SABOTAGING myself. I can't afford another back step... I have to find a plan and start working towards that goal.... but what is that goal?? What do I want??