It's time to come out of pre-contemplation and into contemplation. If you don't know I'm a Sex Addict. I have taken it upon myself to try doing this with just the help of the professionals, until I can find a sponsor to talk with. Until then, I'll put some of my recovery items on here. I choose to do this because I need to be honest with myself, and honestly this is the best way for me to really think about this journey that I'm on.
What else do I do but go to Google?!
I found several good resources, one called the "Triangle SAA Getting Started- Writing a Sobriety Plan" and I find that it is the one to start with... so here goes. I want to say thank you to those that have written this, the responses will be on here but the questions please go to: http://www.saatriangle.org
This class is 8 weeks long..... I hope I can stick with it.
For tonight I will just Read from Addictive Shame Cycle. Then tomorrow I will work on the next bullet and so forth.
Reactions from Reading Mahatma Gandhi poem
Beliefs are the basic building blocks of your destiny. That seems like it sums it up quite well. Awareness is the first key to fighting back on beliefs. More importantly a Plan is only as good as it is followed... and I've learned I need to work at following plans.
A plan is only as good as it is developed and followed. What are some of the reasons why I hate following plans? I believe that..... And then my mind goes blank. I hate following plans because I like to stand out, but that's the addiction talking, not me. I'm good at planning things but I find myself trying to follow them, because I make them too complex. That's the Key, don't make it too complex that one can not follow the plan.
There are three questions resulting triggers... and I need to adopt them for my situation.
Am I feeling horny?
If I am horny what stage of the Addictive Shame cycle am I on right now?
What is my plan for dealing with this feeling?
I have found that sometimes it's just a feeling that I can't identify but at the same time, I'm trying to hide my feelings from myself because it's a learned skill. Now it's time to get out of it.....so I ask these questions right now.
Right now I am feeling like I want to use, because I am triggered to avoid feeling.... Like What??? What the heck am I feeling right now??? So I go back to Inside Out..... a Disney Movie that recognizes 5 emotions, Joy, Sadness, Disgust, Anger, and Fear. Right now I am feeling Disgust in the fact that I have to focus on this addiction. Anger that I can't get past this addiction with more than a few days. Fear that what will happen in the next 2 days will not go well. Sadness that I am still up....
Joy in the fact that I have a very exciting day tomorrow. That's a lot of emotions and I am feeling none of them heavily. So how do I choose just one emotion that over powers the rest.... I should change the step one to this...
We admitted we were powerless over our emotions and that our lives had become unmanageable.
Sex addiction is just a symptom of a greater disease. Addiction to feeling ambivalent. Even as I type that it doesn't feel real. Honestly I am a Codependent. But the time is now 12:30 am... It's time to read for a bit and go to sleep.
I am so sorry you suffer from such a hard addiction. My sexuality is like an underground river to me, full of power, and joy, and the essence of what makes my life flow. I have played around with it because society makes it a political and cultural issue, but I am very sensitive and soft, so I make sure my heart isn't hurt. I found a group called a "Cuddle Party" and they practice non sexual touch which seems to reach me at my elemental level in a controlled gentle environment. I send you a gentle hug and ask you to take it easy on yourself. I just learnt to hope for a future that I can do okay in. I recommend it. I grew up in an alcoholic home and I have started choosing my beliefs and my image of god, rather than trying to work with the ones handed down, that don't even make sense; and make me feel like I am always failing.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words.
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