Self-Care

I'm wondering what else I can do for self-care, I've hit a rough patch and all I want to do is sleep. Once again, in a depressed state. I keep looking online for resources that may be helpful, and so far, not much. I'm hurting over a choice that I made, and it's bring me to tears. I don't know what else I can do to get myself out of this state fast. Or else I may have to call into work, if I can't get myself out of it quick enough. I just don't know anymore. I want an out, but there is no out. I feel discouraged, and in a lot of emotional shame pain. Maybe talking about it will be helpful but I just don't know anymore. I can't continue like this, something has to change. But what?? What can I change that will provide a big enough impact that will help. I just don't know.

When looking online I came across a Self-care Assessment, I'm scared to try it but I know it will point out where I can change to make it easier... do I do it before a session, or on my own and then talk about it with my therapist.... That's the big question of the hour.

2 hour session

Long session today and there is lots that I have been thinking of. From anger that I shared too much, to shame. Words can not express all that I feel but I'll try... Or will I just leave it for tomorrow... I've already thought of "Or death" several times and It's not a good thing. I was afraid of this happening, and knew I would need another session, so I asked for it.... I can't go at this alone because words are not there to express what I want to say in my head. How can I get it out of my head?

Daily life... boredom

I find myself getting bored. ...... and not wanting to do much. It just comes with time but its new to me. I need to find a way to make life more inspiring or at least have more to do. I try to read but then with in a few words get bored. I don't like this at all and want to use an old coping skill to get rid of the boredom. .its not helping.  Just causing pain... and a bit more shame. Okay so its shame if I get caught. .... oh wait that's guilt. Why can't I escape this yet. I want to play music but it hurts to play..... I need hand strength to do things that I love. And the boredom is becoming more extreme and full of guilt. Then I think of wanting to escape through a bad coping mechanism.