Put on a smile....

I went out and was around a bunch of people, yet I still feel like I'm lying when I talk with others. I had to purposely smile. and if you haven't done that it takes a lot of energy out of you. Leaving you with still wanting to die. I still haven't talked to anyone about it. Just keep trying to continue. Saw the instructor of the class that the poem came from, and ended up in tears. After that it was an increased effort to put it behind me.. which didn't work. I just hope that.... something changes quickly. Especaily when driving is getting harder to do without wanting to end up..... It would be easy, but then a post comes to mind of what it's like after a suicide attempt. That makes things harder. But still I put a smile upon my face even though I feel like crap.  I don't like lying to others but how many know what NOT to say. I don't like putting on a smile when there's so much grief.