Ever feel like your going nowhere? That's me making wrong choices over and over. I want to be a contributing person in society. Making money, but more importantly helping people!
In order to get there I have lots to do, but at the same time I don't want to. Today I read my step 1 to my counselor, which was scary. She helped by reading it with me. That was about 12 hours ago.
I was thinking how can I share something so personal with someone that broke confidence. I'm scared for that reason. I never told her it hurt me. So that is only hurting me.
Is it me or do I just want to hurt and blame it on others. It being anyone or thing that makes me hurt.
I lay here, all I want is to just not take responsibility. So that my death won't be my fault.
I see the words on the screen, I just don't want to keep doing this game, this life. I'm hurting physically, mentally and spiritually.
The trouble is there is only one perfect death with little pain, and I can't get what I need for it. So I countinue to hurt. That hurt grows everyday. Hurt, decay, and heartache exist and encompass me.
So I reach my breaking point.... What more can I do, what more can I say. Except for I'll sleep tonight and hope the hurt lessens, but it won't!
