Self-Care

I'm wondering what else I can do for self-care, I've hit a rough patch and all I want to do is sleep. Once again, in a depressed state. I keep looking online for resources that may be helpful, and so far, not much. I'm hurting over a choice that I made, and it's bring me to tears. I don't know what else I can do to get myself out of this state fast. Or else I may have to call into work, if I can't get myself out of it quick enough. I just don't know anymore. I want an out, but there is no out. I feel discouraged, and in a lot of emotional shame pain. Maybe talking about it will be helpful but I just don't know anymore. I can't continue like this, something has to change. But what?? What can I change that will provide a big enough impact that will help. I just don't know.

When looking online I came across a Self-care Assessment, I'm scared to try it but I know it will point out where I can change to make it easier... do I do it before a session, or on my own and then talk about it with my therapist.... That's the big question of the hour.

2 hour session

Long session today and there is lots that I have been thinking of. From anger that I shared too much, to shame. Words can not express all that I feel but I'll try... Or will I just leave it for tomorrow... I've already thought of "Or death" several times and It's not a good thing. I was afraid of this happening, and knew I would need another session, so I asked for it.... I can't go at this alone because words are not there to express what I want to say in my head. How can I get it out of my head?

Daily life... boredom

I find myself getting bored. ...... and not wanting to do much. It just comes with time but its new to me. I need to find a way to make life more inspiring or at least have more to do. I try to read but then with in a few words get bored. I don't like this at all and want to use an old coping skill to get rid of the boredom. .its not helping.  Just causing pain... and a bit more shame. Okay so its shame if I get caught. .... oh wait that's guilt. Why can't I escape this yet. I want to play music but it hurts to play..... I need hand strength to do things that I love. And the boredom is becoming more extreme and full of guilt. Then I think of wanting to escape through a bad coping mechanism.

Dailies and Why we do what we do

I've been told dailies help, so I'm going to try it. The last few weeks have been hard and now as I sit and listen to this video, I find that I need to take notes. (video to be given at the end)

There are 4 areas

Relationships
Emotional
Physical
Spiritual

The relationship part is one that I need to work on the most!! What can I do every day to ensure recovery??
Relationships: Get on Social Media and Talk with someone everyday.
Emotional: Journal or Blog
Physical: Walk
Spiritual: Scripture study

This is from another video that I really liked, with some of my notes that I want to think about and really discover for myself.... but I ran our of energy tonight.

What are you going to do?

What does it mean?

What am I going to focus on?

Forces that shape us: In the moment and long-term

6 Needs

Personality 4 main needs:

Certainty

Uncertainty- surprises

Critical- feel special

Connection and Love

Needs of Spirit:

Grow

Contribute beyond ourselves

What is my lead system?

What is my map?

Emotion. 6 thousand emotions: Dominate emotions???