Halloween

Well this week has been a little difficult, and tonight it just doesn't get any easier. Sugar is one thing that most people eat on Halloween night, and also is something that increases depression for me, and for some others. One good thing, all of the sugar I had is now in my stomach, meaning there's none other to eat tonight. The bad thing is, I don't want to do anything.... and I have an assignment due at 10 am and it could take a little bit to do. But at least tomorrow I'll have some other drug in my system to help me. I just have to get through to night. I have to try and do my homework... some how get it done... I just should have spent more time on my homework...

New medication... and it goes out the window.

I've been on medication long enough to know at which point to dismiss the medication. This new one is driving me crazy, I am more down then I have been in awhile and now it seems like I"m dyslexic. I've been switching pitches and singing something totally different, it sounds cool, but its not the correct thing. Oh and I"m not on my pain meds, so I have to deal with the pain...... typing even hurts.  I need to call my doc and let him know and find a solution. My best idea is to just stay with what I have got, and deal with it. The other issue is the weight that I have gained. I just want to scream now.

Tired but not asleep

I want to falk fast asleep. .. but its not easy tonight either I am just hot, or its the fact that I feel crappie. .... I need to sleep.hopefully opening the window will help.

Dances and beauty

The one thing I hate is going to a dance and the slow songs start, and I have no one to dance with. It happened twice on Friday night. Then today I was listening to the radio and heard "you're beautiful." Hearing that helps when depression sets in because I have no one to dance with.

Medication switch

This past week, I've been going off a medication and tomorrow I start a new med. I'm so not excited.  I just don't want to do much right now,despite having lots to do. But I'm not giving up hope.

Annoyed

Apparently, if I leave something out in the common area, my sister will move it within about a few weeks, if it annoys her. That just ticks me off... like the guy that cut me off in traffic this morning.  and I don't need anything like that. If something is left on the table for too long she will place it back in my room... I think its' time for me to get even, but how???

If I did speak up, (I know this is predicting, and I don't know what she is thinking, but this is what I see based on passed experience.) she would say it's my responsibility to keep everything clean, or get mad at me for speaking up for myself, or get upset. None of these do I want to see so I just end up bottling up this bit of annoyance, but that doesn't do me any good either. What are my options?? Either keep everything in my room, and I mean EVERYTHING, or clean up every night no matter how small it may be. 

Here's the other kicker, if she get's annoyed she takes it out on me. I really hate this right now, I just can't take all of this.... yet another reason why I perposely watch shows that she hates, just to say you don't own me. I just wish that she would understand that she has got this annoyance from her ex.... who did the same exact thing..... It has to be her way or the highway...well not in my book...

Tempted

I'm a little tempted, I want to give in, but I also know that I have work to do..... Not to mention finally sleep some time tonight. On a more positive note, my long arm cast is off, but I do have to have a shorter cast on for four weeks.

After everything that has happened today, giving in sounds easier than trying to study... I just have to remember that I do have better coping skills that would help, even if I don't think it will help. (common problem for people)

Day of change

Tonight,  I admit that I have an addiction, that's the first step (admit that you have a problem. ) The next step is a little different for me. I am going to abstain from the problem with the help of my Lord,  through prayer and study.There are three parts to a person, physical, emotional, & spiritual.  Its time to take care of the spiritual side of me, and exercise even with a cast on.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Well I want to strangle my roommate. She called for a maintenance request that was not needed!!!! and then expected me to deal with the repair man........ That's not how it works!!!! People can't expect me to do everything for them. I'm expected to clean the bathroom and do the dishes (when my arm is not in a cast) while she only vacuums.  This is not right.... she complains when I have people over!!!!!

vent over. Besides I have stuff to review

One week and one hour

The cast will come off in one week and one hour. I'll be very happy to move my elbow. Besides that, I have lots to do..... and to manage my mental health. Not to mention, I need to lose the 50 pounds that I have gained since being on Seroquel, Its helps with mood, just not my health. If I don't start losing weight my doc may switch me to another medication.....honestly, I am done trying different medications, I'm doing well for the first time in 8 years.

I am strong and in control of my thoughts. And that gives me reason to smile, despite being in a cast.

Distracted by cast

I need to study.... but between my cast and my head, among other things. I need to be able to do normal things.

Physical Cast.... mentally draining week

Found out that I have a torn tendon and I'm in a full arm cast, which leaves me with my non dominant hand for all things..... major downer. Since every single thing takes twice as long...... I have 12 days left in this cast. It's midterms next week and I am a little stretched thin. Then the itching starts up, underneath the cast... and the fact that I miss a friend who has been in a treatment facility, she is suppose to be home soon. Then, having to deal with flashbacks.... all at the same time. Can this week be over. On top of that I have an added stress of calling for jury duty. Then, on top of all that I have to deal with a sister that got frustrated and took it out on me.Please let this day be done.

A Cast

I'll be short, unlike this cast on my arm. and I laughed about it. I hope I sleep tonight.

... to write left handed.... at least I can type again.

I ended up feeling like something snapped in my wrist. which means that I have to wear a splint for who knows how long. so after several years I have had to write left handed, and I'm right handed. It hurts a bit to type but I know that I need to just get a few things out... I've been very fustrated with this brace on, and having a concert on Friday.... For the first time in 4 days I was able to play for most of the hour. now I just have to wait to practice, or just find a unique way of practicing... Ie using singing music, and listening to it online, along with calling for Jury Duty.... which I have to go home to do that.... means I have to get off my but and drive home....

Jury Duty on top of classes, just makes life interesting... Please let my number not come up.

Must work on things.... must get things done.... with a hand that's only 50% of normal... argg.