He Restorth My Soul

I was reading this book and came to a part that I wanted to share about.

Goals

I have set countless goals that say this....
"I will remain clean for one month" Does this actually happen???!! NO

It has been pointed out that I need to change my goals to going to meetings, reading addiction books, making phone calls. This particular book goes through what I need to do.

I need to use affirmations! To help to reprogram my brain away from lust.

I'm doing well on self care except for reading the scriptures.... oops

I need to set boundaries for my addiction but I need help with those so I will turn to others to find out what could work for me.

I found some phone meetings that I can do and I am going to try to speak up and get to know people. But I'm scared. It's something to surrender to God. I am imperfect! And in need of others help and support. It's time to let go of lust.

Day four

I missed a day... oops. I got really busy and ran out of time. But the good things is the fact that I stayed focused, but I failed to get a few things done yesterday... oops. I feel a bit out of place today and a bit out of focus....then I thought well maybe it would help if I sat down and blogged a bit...

But my focus is everywhere!!!! Maybe its the music.... so I'll change the music from hip hop to instrumental.... with a commercial... Grrrrrrr

I did a 40 minute workout today and ran for 1 minute intervals... I'm super excited!!!

Life is going to get super busy and I wonder how I'll have time for myself.... I'm really concerned about the increased hours but really excited to pick peoples' brains... I have an opportunity to shadow a few in my new field and ask them questions about what they are doing and such. Its going to be exciting. Oh well Time to move on to reading some material on addiction... where to start??

I was planning on starting with Addiction Recovery Program book but, I already know that God will bring me back to spiritual health, if I ask for His help and overcome my pride. Today will be a bit different... I'll read from He Restorth My Soul...

I still don't feel like I can pray. Why is that?? I feel that no one is listening, yet its' God's way of connecting and building a relationship...I am surrounded by books and I'm not sure what I need to do... I have three classes to complete in 90 days and the days are counting down but my focus today is not good... What do I do... I feel like He is upset at me, is it true or is it just me thinking that I haven't forgiven myself yet for the acts that have brought me to this point... Which is it??

Since I don't know, I'll think about it and just continue on...

God, I commit myself to one more day of sexual sobriety. No sex with myself or anyone else other than my spouse, no pornography or anything like it, from now until this same time tomorrow. I surrender my character defects and shortcomings to become a better individual, who can better manage life. I surrender today laziness, I will stay busy for this day, as I know that thou would have me do. Staying busy is the key to helping me in my sexual sobriety. Thank you

Heavenly Father, I am now willing that You should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that You now remove from me every single character defect which stands in my way of my usefulness to You and my fellow beings. Grand me strength as I go out from here, to do Your bidding.

Day Two

I got an opportunity to develop my career!!! I'm so excited!!!

That's the good news, and I get over 40 hours for a few weeks... So that means getting up earlier to get things done. I think... still not sure yet.

Things are falling into place. Now I take another step into recovery this morning. I again enter into another contract with the God of my understanding.

God, I commit myself to one more day of sexual sobriety. No sex with myself or anyone else, no pornography or anything like it, form now until this same time tomorrow.

I have so much to do in 90 days.. well 87 days now, I have to complete all three classes and still maintain great quality in everything that I do. I must still include doing this everyday to aid me in my recovery from addiction.

Day One

My Commitment to Recovery from Sex Addiction

The last few months have been filled with many people but one general sadness of one that I have forgotten to include. This blog will be a daily journal of the prayer, and recovery work that I now seek to do. My therapist gave me a "Daily Sobriety Contract" This is between my God of my understanding and myself, but I seek to bring many others in to help them to see the good work that God is doing in my life and the lives of others around me.

Confession:  I have cheated!! I'm single and yet I've still cheated on my future husband.. This is serious work, and I intend to do it. Today I start the rest of my journey in recovery.

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and I'm a sinner, just like every imperfect human on this planet. I need God's love and support nor more than ever. I was reading the introduction of "LDS Family Services: Addiction Recovery Program" and it states, "We have known great sorrow, but we have seen the power of the Savior turn our most devastating defects into glorious spiritual victories. We who once lived with daily depression, anxiety, fear and debilitating anger now experience joy and peace. We have witnessed miracles in our own lives and in the lives of others who were ensnared in addiction." I now seek the joy and peace that others have felt!!! I am excited to begin this new journey but very nervous to give up my character weaknesses...

But weaknesses can become strength!!!

I pray that I may be able to find what I am seeking, and that I may be able to be a better person. God, grant me the serenity to go throughout the day with less stress, and more joy!

I am very busy but I can't be too busy for this. My life depends on this....

Now my Daily Commitment to Recovery
God, I commit myself to one more day of sexual sobriety. No sex with myself or anyone else, no pornography or anything like it, from now until this same time tomorrow! I also ask that you help me to become clean again this day and always. That I may feel of your power and commitment to me and that I may be able to give up my character weaknesses when I am ready and thee is ready to assist me. I should mention, I am now trying to come back, please accept me as I am and make me stronger today until this time tomorrow when I ask thee again!

As of today I am decreasing medication, I am feeling very nervous and anxious but I know that through meditation and through deep study of spiritual things that I can heal!



In the last week I have felt that I have cheated on my future husband, and doing so has brought much, no great amounts of sadness. I know how important the law of Chastity is, its a protection not a rule.

I also am starting to go to a recovery meeting, reaching out to others that I may be healed from this addiction. Now I ask you to join me in my study.

I am not only a sex addict but a Co-Dependent!

I now need to heal and be open and honest with those around me.
Key Principle: Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable.

I am not only a sex addict, and co-dependent but addicted to shopping. I seek to heal from all of these by living the program and finding others to help me.

Action Steps
Become willing to abstain
         To abstain means "restrain oneself from doing or enjoying something" (from https://www.google.com/?ion=1&espv=2#q=abstain%20definition ) But to abstain is not enough I must ask for assistance in this every day. I must seek to change my thinking pattern. 
Let go of pride and seek humility
        What does that mean to me?? It means simply seeking to let go and let God. A movie comes to mind, "God's Not Dead" where God is defended and supported where people humbly seek Him.
Admit the problem: seek help: attend meetings
Right now my job prevents me from going to most meetings but I can still seek recovery and help through various different resources. He has given me a powerful one, and it's prayer, but not only that He has given me the ability to think and to write out what I think for more power in helping me to let go of the problems. 

Three Addictions
I have three addictions! I finally said it, and I need help on  all three of them, but first I will seek to gain a relationship with God. Thee best way to do that is to study His words and become closer to Him. I looked back at my first step and I am now wanting to do the program again to really seek help and understanding of this new life. 

Thanks for reading this and stay tune to tomorrow for more on my journey with God! 

I feel connected

I'm actually connected with life right now. What I mean is that I am engaged in good things. This is huge for me. I'm trying to find myself again. It will be hard but the work must be done.

I feel alone

Is there anyone to talk too? Can I get out of this? I've been reading a lot and trying to absorb the information but it's hard, I don't know what I'm doing.

Follow your Heart?!

What does my heart say? How can I follow something that is so miss leading.....???

Achieving starts with believing

I'm so lost, it's not even funny, or fun anymore.... 

ABC's 

I've been encouraged to learn my ABC's...... so here's mine from today....

Antecedent: No contact with boyfriend for 8 days despite trying....

Behavior: Suicidal thinking

Consequence: Feeling like crap and having a migraine that turned ugly.

Antecedent: having a crappy night from a migraine

Behavior: Feeling like I'm going to faint

Consequence: Not being able to do a full workout and feel better...... result.... Writing this.

These may not seem significant but when suicidal thinking comes up everything gets real.

Right now I am trying to follow my heart, and right now, it's split between many things. This isn't good for me, or for any one.... 

I struggle with addiction and not addiction, just life. 

I struggle with depression but is it the situation??

I struggle with self-esteem but is it just normal stuff that is just more exposed than normal due to years of study....

So how do I follow my heart?

When my heart doesn't know where to turn too?

I know what my family is telling me but, what's right for me?? I can write words but they don't make a lot of sense when I read them......How can I remember what I read better??

There are so many questions and right now so little answers. What if the real thing is to just try?

Then there's the question what in the world do I want to try??

I feel like I need to run an experiment, but I don't know what experiment to run?!

5 minutes later......

After a bit of crying and talking to another trying to get my mind off all this crap... and then it hits me. Why not finish and complete the work associated with a book... and truly let him restore me and see what happens. All I know is I'm not happy, I'm sad that my boyfriend hasn't texted, and I'm a bit concerned about the relationship. I also am concerned about the living space that I'm in.... there's so much shame... so what's really important today... Today I have work at least that will take my mind off things, to  a point. Maybe I should just read the book, and see if I can get any tips for this coming Sunday.