I've had a little visit from the Bad, and to explain what I mean by the title of this post, think of Kronck, From Empire's New Groove (Disney). He has an angle on one side and a devil on the other, and he has to be a mediator between the two.... well for me, it's a little different, I have me, being neutral, and then Hillary, which is The Bad, and the third being The Good, with no other name. Last night, Hillary came back and started to argue with me, and wanted to end life. I felt like I was spinning out of control, and ended up crying, and yelling for her to leave. I had a friend come over to just get "all" of me distracted. It's worked so far.
Now, I'm alone again, and all I want is peace from the insanity that I live in. When will something better come around, or a good boyfriend. I'll take whatever is given unless it's the Bad side, in a different form. Please Just let me have some peace today.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Thursday, May 24, 2012
The Fray
Wow, it's been a busy few weeks. And now I finally blog.... I've been working a lot, and I have crazy hours. (12 hour days full of travel, give or take) Honestly, it's a royal pain, but good money. I just wish I had a normal sleep schedule. But since I don't I'll have to make due.
"How to Save a Life" has been going through my mind, a lot lately. and that normally means my mood is dipping farther than I want. Especially if I listen to it, 2-10 times in a row. I just wish people around me knew, or would call more often. Right now, I can't call them, I just hate having to turn to others when things get bad. I know that there are others out there that feel the exact same way. And what more can we do. It's a hard position that some of us get into.
Now is the time to save lives, but how many of us actually know when to say, "we need to talk" and how many will actually say it. But who is going to see.
"How to Save a Life" has been going through my mind, a lot lately. and that normally means my mood is dipping farther than I want. Especially if I listen to it, 2-10 times in a row. I just wish people around me knew, or would call more often. Right now, I can't call them, I just hate having to turn to others when things get bad. I know that there are others out there that feel the exact same way. And what more can we do. It's a hard position that some of us get into.
Now is the time to save lives, but how many of us actually know when to say, "we need to talk" and how many will actually say it. But who is going to see.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
SPRING!!!!
Spring has come... but the weather seems to be a bit Bipolar... Sunny one day, rain the next, then snow... is this spring or some other season.
The warmer weather helps the mood. over the past month I haven't really had to many suicidal thoughts. But once something goes wrong with my physical body, that's when I turn to the idea of seeing the pain that I feel inside me.....Since Monday, I have choked once, and my throat has been very tight... So I went in to the doc, and I have a test later that I"m a bit scared for.
Is there anything else??? Always. I haven't had the will to post, since I haven't had to many disturbing thoughts. I've been doing well... that is until yesterday...
On a brighter note, I have had a lot of time to study, but a lot of time to think.
The warmer weather helps the mood. over the past month I haven't really had to many suicidal thoughts. But once something goes wrong with my physical body, that's when I turn to the idea of seeing the pain that I feel inside me.....Since Monday, I have choked once, and my throat has been very tight... So I went in to the doc, and I have a test later that I"m a bit scared for.
Is there anything else??? Always. I haven't had the will to post, since I haven't had to many disturbing thoughts. I've been doing well... that is until yesterday...
On a brighter note, I have had a lot of time to study, but a lot of time to think.
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