Frustrating Men

First off, this isn't about any one person, just the greater male species. This does not apply to every male out there. This is a rant, a vent of frustration!!

Why is it that no matter what, those who are addicted to pornography, seem to assume everything revolves around the them?! Not only that but they assume that some people are bots!

I just want to find one man that treats me right, that will restore my faith in men. When I say no, they don't listen!!!! They want what they want and can't stop themselves. Especially if they are addicted to pornography/sex!

I'm sitting at home alone, slightly negative thoughts running through my head, I can't escape them. Why can't I escape??? I try, then the thoughts return. I need someone beside me.

Where I want to be

Ever feel like your going nowhere? That's me making wrong choices over and over. I want to be a contributing person in society. Making money, but more importantly helping people!

In order to get there I have lots to do, but at the same time I don't want to. Today I read my step 1 to my counselor, which was scary. She helped by reading it with me. That was about 12 hours ago.

I was thinking how can I share something so personal with someone that broke confidence. I'm scared for that reason. I never told her it hurt me. So that is only hurting me.

Is it me or do I just want to hurt and blame it on others. It being anyone or thing that makes me hurt.

I lay here, all I want is to just not take responsibility. So that my death won't be my fault.

I see the words on the screen, I just don't want to keep doing this game, this life. I'm hurting physically, mentally and spiritually.

The trouble is there is only one perfect death with little pain, and I can't get what I need for it. So I countinue to hurt. That hurt grows everyday. Hurt, decay, and heartache exist and encompass me.

So I reach my breaking point.... What more can I do, what more can I say. Except for I'll sleep tonight and hope the hurt lessens, but it won't!

Going nowhere

I am going nowhere! I was trying to fine my purpose, then I got hit with depression. I have been told to do various things but I'm going nowhere!