Time to try and empty my head....

I'm just going to vent and try to empty my head of all emotional stuff....

That being said, this post has a TRIGGER possibility... DO NOT read this if you are not strong....


TRIGGER WARNING!!!



Now that I have that out of the way, in the last 24 hours I have been very suicidal. I have only told one person, until now. But what I haven't said, would scare just about anyone.... I have started to really plan, and this is never a good sign.... I will see my pdoc and T all in one day, but I just hope that they can help. With the thoughts I'm having I'm a bit...... to put it in simple terms, my head hurts, I can't think straight, and yet I still keep trying to do homework...

Mmmm emotions.... what am I feeling right now?...... lonely, anxious, nervous, scared, angry because of the thoughts that it seems like they are automatic thoughts, and they just keep coming... and coming... and coming. I'm having a hard time fighting these thoughts, and I just want to give in, but I'll talk with both my pdoc and T, before I do anything. I'd have time afterwards to do something to snap me out of this..... Maybe something relaxing, could help.

I've tried to ground, but when my head is starting to feel like it's shaking, grounding just doesn't work. I've tried to visualize a peaceful place, focus on things around me, focused on some homework topics for recall practice, focused on a video, and focus on my breathing, but none of those are helping.

I'm running out of options to try, and calling a T is just not something I want to do... it's weird.... I've never done that before. It's something new to me... and I'm just not comfortable with that.