Today was very hard... and what saved me was counting backwards from 100 by 3. Hard to do, but it's what grounded me. I was in a meeting today, and started to notice myself slipping in to my head, I guess that's how to explain it. While I was in my head, I was having a fight with my Hillary, and needless to say, it didn't go very well. I was starting to panic and slip into an anxiety attack (started to notice shaking and just weakness), and that's when I used the counting backwards, well first of all it was forward, and when that didn't work then I went backwards by 9, and then 3, since 3 was easier to think through.
Afterwards the meeting was starting to end, I was starting to come out of it, but very, very slowly. I was able to stand and respond to people (to a point) but then was in and out of reality. It took writing to get me out of it completely.
Now as I sit here writing this, it brings up fear, and the fight that was transpiring as that happened just a few hours earlier. I feel like I'm falling harder this time, and I don't know this all just feels weird.... What part of me wants, just doesn't work for the other part. If that makes any sense.
I'm scared that this will happen again and I'll start to do something, without being aware of the pain, and then all will end.
No comments:
Post a Comment