Trapped

There's still a few people out there that read this blog, and thank you for reading. I just hope it helps someone out there.

Anyway, I keep trying to get myself to do things, but there's a cloud above me, that makes it feel like I'm being trapped, Like Fog. I just can't seem to get up and do something more than surfing the net and watching TV. I did do one thing for me today, went out and bought 2 shirts. It was fun trying on things, but at the same time, it was used as a distraction from suicidal thinking. I have this continual problem of thinking, and obsessing over how to commit suicide, and judging whether or not it would work. Which leads me to doing nothing. These thoughts upset me, and I feel like I can't stop the thoughts, because it seems like they are being controlled by a super ego, instead of the combination of id, ego, and super ego. Now that I'm writing this, it seems like I'm more than just a little trapped, more like caught in a fire, with no way out. (It is fire season for the US) No matter what I do, I don't know how to run from these obsessive thoughts, and to really be free of them.

There's so much more I want to say, but feeling trapped leads to keeping quiet. Maybe music will help... Of to try and practice for awhile.