The words I can't say

I want out of my head! But that gets misinterpreted as you're suicidal.... No people it's not that. I just need a break from all the screaming, yelling, and general annoyance of my head. It's that simple. Yet no one understands.

I have conversations that don't play well with each other, and then the arguments start happening. How else can I escape my head? Normal ways don't help long enough. I've tried to manage but I come up short. I'm an addict. Yet some say it's an OCD problem..... Hum..... That says it's all me. Thanks for your confidence in me. Stop telling me what it could be and say what could help. I need a plan! I'm terrible at following but if it actually helps then fine.

Then we turn to the concept of God. To some it's a person. To others some impossible place that can't be reached on my own. I think it's the second.

Then again who knows!!! God says to read and study the Scriptures but I can't focus to read. What's the point?! Maybe I'm too far passed help. Yet who can help? All I've been told is to work it out. Well I'm sorry but I just can't! I don't freaking know how!!!! So tell me this. How do I balance my time when I seem to just get worse and don't know what to focus on???

Thanks for letting me vent.