Certificate or Master's

What's on my mind??? The title of this post says it all!! I'm thinking of a graduate degree, and don't know the way to go yet. There are so many different programs out there, that I wonder which one is right for me. I'm a recovering addict, and have been through the ringer of different issues with anxiety. I understand the mind, and know that I want to do something with helping people, that I just don't know which or the many to apply for. (have to have the money to do so first, and that's the hard part) I'm sitting in a class trying to focus, but my mind is on the many options that I have available.

I know I like small groups but I have the other side of this to think about..... the mental side. With being a recovering addict, and recovering from depression, this gets in the way of the future because of triggers coming up and triggering me into the old way of thinking.

Personal care is the key to knowing how to help myself to help others. But how do I keep from getting triggered?? I guess that comes with practice, and PsychCentral will help with that. For those that don't know, PsychCentral is a community of people with mental health concerns, where we can help each other get through the tests of life. I normally don't put my personal feelings on here, but this site has helped me get through some of the hard days, by letting me know that I am not alone. There are others out there that have been there, and are there now.

I don't know the answer yet to the question but at least I know what I am doing from today on, and that is continuing to look for programs that I can start, with and without the GRE and/or MAT. I just wonder what I can find, and what state this will require me to go to... Time will tell. :)

On the mental side of things, I have seen some improvements that allow me to even think about continuing my education, but I know that the job that I really want requires more schooling than what  I currently have. I just have to find the right program at the right time, to do what I really want to do. I just don't know what I want because I'm not in full recovery, but I am getting close.

The future

What's next? That's the main question. I finished my degree. I want into my field but, I need more schooling.

I have way too much time on my hands. I'm trying to figure out what to do, there's too many options!

I know I'm not the only one that has asked, but what do I do with myself? Having too much time for an addict is dangerous! I slipped this week and went back into my addictions. That's what time with nothing exciting has done. I'm not as happy this week as I was last week, what changed? That's what I'm trying to figure out..... and I haven't yet. Besides the shame, over the slip.... that's it! It has too be. I realize that I messed up, and I'm sharing it with some people is hard but I have too. Good bye addiction,  we are through!

Early Morning !!!Trigger warning!!!

I'm not even suppose to be at work, yet I'm wide awake!!!!!! It's 4:30 am, I have a movie on, and the light dimmed. Yet I'm not fully awake, still tired just needed to be out of my room, away from the smell of Spearmint. In hopes that it would get my headache and decrease the intensity. But I'm still tired, awake but tired.... not the best combination. I may try and sleep out here but for now my mind is still on what do I do with myself. Anxiety is high, triggers are high, and I've already slipped twice in less than 24 hours. I'm not happy. Nothing about this situation makes me happy. I'm turning 27, and still single with no prospects, not too many friends, and I'm not happy. Sleeping is a problem, headaches are daily, and I just don't want to keep living this way. I have enough pills to do it, enough problems anyway, why do I have to keep fighting??? Would I say I'm suicidal.......... yes. Do I trust myself to be alone today? No. Do I have to keep being alone? maybe... can I just get some sleep and stay asleep.... please. Can it be longer than 6 hours?? Please. I just want to sleep....

What's my purpose?? That I just don't know.