After I got done with some errands, I went to park, and there happened to be a car in my spot. They had parked right in front of my garage. Granted there is signs all over the place that if a car is parked, it could be towed if it's not authorized to park in that spot. It's that simple, don't park there unless you are the lease holder... and then to add to my anger, I had to ask (in a ticked off way) for them to move the van, and instead of saying, well I'll go let the driver know, they say, I'm not the driver. Which ticks me off even more. I've had issues with the lease-holder and that whole group of boys, that anything they do ticks me off, and angers me a lot. For good reason.
Those of you who have had the thoughts of suicide, know how hard it gets when everything just irritates you, and there's nothing you can do about anything, and then add in the suicidal thoughts, and it just makes for a crappy week.
Besides all that neighbor drama. I've been trying to ignore all of the thoughts of suicide. I can be honest here, I have thought of few methods, and a few times of day where it would actually work. Then I think of the physical pain, and that pain is what stops me. I don't want to feel that much pain. I just want to escape all of the thoughts. Then, I realize I'm not quite over the thoughts, and I'm not sure what else to do, or that I can do. I was trying to ignore the thoughts, and it's not working.
I keep living, and now I'm not sure why. I am smart, but I just don't understand where these specific thoughts are coming from. Tonight, I'll try something different, I'll try to exercise, and if that doesn't work, I'll try to put a puzzle together.
I will sleep tonight, sometime, even if it's only for an hour. But I do have to deal with these thoughts, before I act on them.
I promise to blog again tomorrow, and to be around to do so.
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