My first suicidal thought happened because I was afraid that I would not make it back to Illinois which I had just gotten back from a trip less than a week.I wasn't sure what I was feeling but I know that is what it was. The trip was wonderful, but I focused on the future and not knowing what would happen.
It's been 8 years. So far I have failed to make it back to Illinois, like I said that I would. I have only one degree, and have been kicked out due to anxiety. I have had many times of suicidal thinking. I only have one degree to show for all my time in college and have one year left and then I'll have two.
Right now I just want to run, looking at this just brings on a lot more fear, stress, anxiety. Today has not been easy, with dealing with getting home at 4 am. I just need to vent. this is not been an easy day. I still need to apply for a position but I'm scared that it's not going to work... again fear of the future. I just want to run, and escape. But I do have work tomorrow. bright and early. oh joy.
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