Malingering...

I'm trying to study about malingering but I'm getting triggered. The whole thing about someone being dishonest about their symptoms and that others can see right through those lies, is really getting to me. I'm starting to wonder if theirs any of that for me. In a one-on-one session, there were many psychology terms that were identified, for example, conditioning to laughter and overly excited reaction to suicidal thoughts. Now that I see malingering, I just want to scream. He did ask if I was safe and I said yes. Only 2 people know (or at least were told). I don't know why it is happening, but its bugging me. I have to get through this study session and class without breaking.

PInch me

I need to wake up from this nightmare. It's physically draining and ....... I haven't felt this crappy in several months and then it comes back as I try and stop self-harming. Addiction is funny like that, once your clean it comes back.

I try to focus and my mind goes to what's going on. I know by know what warning signs to look for, and what not to tell a Mental Health Professional. I can work around that... Right now I just want to wake up from this night mare, and actually feel awake. Not sure how much of this I can take.

I'm 14 days clean, and the challenge that I was given is to make it to day 21.... But I want to just get rid of all this pain. I want an escape. Not just to fall asleep.

Almost there

about an hour and I'll be fast asleep. Which means I've made it. Triggers were high and I did it!!! I didn't given in to addiction. On the not good side, I still have a lot to read and study before classes and lectures. I should have been studying all day but I didn't and I just have to work harder tomorrow. I did get one assignment done but it cause a lot of issues.... I'm beginning to see many cognitive distortions.