When my director let 1/2 the group go early, I didn't want to leave, because I left all of the dangerous thoughts outside, and just played. Now I'm in a practice room looking up resources... I found one.
http://suicide.com/(this is also on the Suicide page)
Today has not been good, I got summoned for Jury Duty, and I'm a full time student and that was not a good enough reason to be dismissed... I can't miss class, I'm in all music classes. With that in the future, I just don't want to do it, I know I would get dismissed early but I don't want to spend the time to do that.
With that terrible news, and the fact that I'm getting behind on all of my classes, and there is just not enough time for everything. It's led to suicidal thoughts, and planning.. I just need to keep distracted, but it's sooo hard. Even though I need to be practicing, I'm not... I really don't even want to practice, Just go home.... and cause pain.... or just lock myself in my room. I just can't go into the hospital right now, since things are really bad. The stress of being a music major, and then the lights turning off. I just want to do nothing... but maybe grabbing a pizza and breadsticks may just help, and then I can come back and practice... maybe. Or I could just go work out...
Choices, Choices.......I don't even know what practice time, if it would be worth it... Sorry my thoughts are a little jumbled right now. I don't know what I will do right now. Can I just scream?!
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