Shame

I talked with my therapist about shame today, and the recent events of the last week. Honestly, shame is hard to talk about, and it happens to ALL of us. For me, it started with "Do your best" which essentially meant, do the bare minimum, and just be ordinary. Doing the work and trying to dare greatly is extremely hard. I have a lot of studying and practicing of instruments, and I'm stuck in the same spiral that has kept me to doing just the bare minimum... This is not the way to live, and not the way to try and change either.

Over the past 2 years I have gained 50 pounds!!!!!! I'm not obese yet, but I still could be. What do I do.... nothing. Trying to change is hard, and trying to lose all of the shame thinking is going to be hard. This shame thinking of just doing the bare minimum isn't helping, and there's just so much of it.

There needs to be a transformation (sorry but I am watching "Extreme Weigh loss Edition") of thought, and to lose some weight. I know what I need to do, and that is to exercise, and start WORKING on all the Shame thoughts.

Right now, all of this feels overwhelming. But I know that I need to refocus on me, and my school work. I also know that my health needs improvement, and it will help with depression as I found out... exercise increases good things and can change how I am feeling. This is going to be hard, but I need to do this, because to work hard is to be extraordinary.