Not a good day

I had to perform on piano... that was harder with my mind going crazy. Between the finals and my mind state and not only that but I was in a group a few days ago, we were asked to write a letter to our addiction(s). I started to list things out.... then we were asked to read the letters. I couldn't read it. Writing the letter was hard enough. The fact that I couldn't has bugged me.
I had a dream that someone found my letter and read it. I've felt anxious and just wanting to run and hide. But instead I had to play piano. Honestly, I still want to run.... or talk with someone trustworthy that I can really talk to and get advice. This time of year is a little hard. Due to being hospitalized for the first time 5 years ago, in 6 days from now.