So much to do... risk level has increased... very triggering class...
and now music to distract me so I can prepare for exams... I have one on
Monday.. one Wednesday.. then one the following week. I need to
study... but I should call T but don't want to deal with it. .... but
may be I should... Anxiety is high... risks are increasing...
I
am calming down now.. music helps. still afraid of not knowing what
would happen if I did call crisis line for T. I could talk to him
directly but, I just don't want to deal with it. I have so much going
on, lots to do.... an interview on Monday for a job... Lots of good
stuff.. and then momentary trigger, but it's a good thing right? Okay,
I'm ready to study now... Breathing helps.... I knew before that this
class could be difficult.. but that's what I get for studying
psychology. I'm okay now. level back at 1.
It still bugs me that
I am still a hypocrite about calling a crisis line... I have in the
past, or at least it was calling docs offices, or calling hospital but
never a crisis line... Even if I know I can talk to my T relatively
quickly... Yet if I just post here, it gives me that release
of thought to continue on. Yet at the same time how can I recommend
someone to call a crisis line if I can't call myself... It's not about
pride... It's just I don't want to talk...
Rather, I don't want to feel uncomfortable, talking about suicide is
very uncomfortable... but I don't want to continue to be a hypocrite...
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