The nights are hard again. Tonight/this morning seems like its going in slow motion. Its too hard to sleep, and too hard to not. I started reading a book and it mentions a suicide mission. .... its triggering to read. I then start to think about it..... darn habituation in the reticular formation. I've been told a few things over the years to help in this situation. 1) STR- Stop, Think, React 2) Call it for what it is and 3) Refocus the mind, quickly and stop it! The third is the hardest, and one I came up with, except for Stop It which came from a YouTube video. The other two I owe credit to others. STR works quickly. Call it for what it is takes a bit more time, but refocusing the mind can take time and patience. .... something in short supply. I want to finish the book but I'm not sure if I can handle the content. Which scares me. There's fear in the future over helping those in crisis. Part due to PTSD and part due to wanting to help them, from suffering the way I have had too. Seeing people after an event like that is scaring. But there family goes through so much, if the suicide happens. Is what I'm feeling too much for me?..... yes! I want to finish the book but is it time, am I ready? What do I really want from life?
No comments:
Post a Comment