Ignoring....

***** I have to flag this post due to the nature, if you are not in a sound mind position then do NOT read this. If you are in a position where you can read, then go ahead, but if you are in a position like I have been these last 4 weeks, then I recommend not reading this.******


I know right now, things aren't going well, but Ignoring them is how I have gotten through the last 4 weeks. I've ignored all of the thoughts, all of the actions that could have happened....

Ignoring the problem, just doesn't make it go away. I know that, I need to handle all of the thoughts, I need to ask for help. But right now I"m not in the position to ask for help. I see where I need to be the first week of classes, and that is in class, afterwords if I have to go in to the hospital then so be it. But this weekend is not the weekend to do it. I have work, I'm going to work, I'll take meds if I have to, to just be able to have my head with me, and not in that pit of destruction.

Right now, and through out the day has be very hard, I still haven't told my family about what's going on, and the possible need for the hospital again. None of them knows what's going on, or what could have happened. I can get things out here, and hopefully be able to hang on a bit longer. No set date on any plans, which is good. If there was a date, I really don't know what would happen, either someone would find out before, I would not act on them, or someone would have to call for help. If I can keep it form a set plan, then I can continue to ignore it. It's what I do, and I"m good at it. I can ignore this for a bit longer, I know I can. I have too.


I just realized something, besides the ignoring tactic, I have also been not a good example. and I apologize for not taking my own advice, for not doing what I would have told people to do if they were in my shoes. I'm sorry I never meant for this to go this way. I just had to help others in their struggles, and now, I should let them know, but I'm scared of anyone finding out. I want to go to my first day of classes. by Thursday all of my classes will have started (Except Physics lab) It's a long weekend, so If I have to then I'll go in on Friday until Monday to get help.... That's my plan and I hope I'll stick with it..... or I"ll need some convincing.