Punishment??

I have not been able to accept the self-injury, and I have not found a professional that understands enough to help me figure out the reason behind the si. I want someone that will accept it and help me to understand. I just have one big thing, well two things really. Trust and Control. When I go in to a therapy session I feel as if I'm losing control by just being there. Trusting in the therapist doesn't happen because of how the self-injury happens. Some times I wonder if changing the method would help to find someone who I could talk to about all of this. I should be studying but my mind is just not here with me. I just feel like no one really understands me. And that fact alone makes it seem like I'm all alone.

I'm alone when the punishment begins, I'm alone when the self-injury happens. I'm alone in the depression, I'm alone. Who could I talk to that I would trust enough to talk to about all of this? The answer lies some where in the question. I'm the only person I can talk to. I have to bring back the inner dialog that I had to relabel 10 months ago. I just have to try and leave the harm part of her out. How do I do this? How do I not punish myself for doing this? I'm alone, I have yet to find someone that truly understands.