Self destruction

I've been saying for awhile that it's time for a change, but nothing changes for the good. I'm still having urges, and some times giving in. I have had some issues with sleep due to staying up late and then getting maybe 2 hours sleep. I feel as if I have to be punished for not sleeping well, for having the urges, for giving in to the urges, for studying persuasion in sui cases, for just not doing what I think I SHOULD be doing. I tried to relabel the should's but that is just not helping. I feel as if someone else is taking control of my mind. that the urges are from that other person. I felt joy playing my instruments, but I'm self destructive. And at this point I see a few things that I can do to help end the self-destructive behavior. 
The only issue is the fact that I've been choosing to engage on the behavior every week and a half, and need to get to the point where it's months between. But I'm scared to give up those behaviors. 

I'm having issues with sleep, and exercise is one way to help me to sleep. But the urges are hard to control the way I would like. I'm trying to get in music practice but..... and there are a million excuses. 

I'm self-destructive. and I don't know how to retrain my mind into positive patterns to end the self-destruction. I just don't know how. any ideas would be appreciated.


I'll be looking at this website more in the next few days.
http://throughthefire.net/si.html