Let It Go

I found a version of this song by Demi Lavato that is in 25 languages. But the message behind the song is what I want to focus on.

I keep thinking about what this song means to me. Everyday I hide my inner thoughts and it seems like a blizzard of thoughts. I'm not bothered by the thoughts, I am bothered by the actions that they result in, especially those relating to time management. 

This semester I am taking 17 credits, dealing with pain and the skin changing colors, having 3 cavities filled, and trying to practice for as long as my body will let me, and loose some weight to get back to the weight on my driver's license. 

I can't hold everything back and that's one reason why I am in a MRT group to work on me, and to handle some of the mental things that happen inside me, that no one sees, or at least that I know about. I've always been told to be the good girl and I put up a show so that every one sees my strengths, and not my weaknesses.  

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen
A kingdom of isolation,
And it looks like I’m the Queen.

The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I tried

Don’t let them in, don’t let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know
Well, now they know

Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door

I don’t care
What they’re going to say
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway
It’s funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can’t get to me at all

It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I’m free

After all this time, I wonder what I can do to just be free from the inner disaster that is inside me. I want to feel free and not just hidden from everyone, and then maybe, socially wont be so awkward. 

Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You’ll never see me cry

Here I stand
And here I'll stay
Let the storm rage on

My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I’m never going back,
The past is in the past

Let it go, let it go
When I'll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone

Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway

I don't care anymore, I just have to find a way to love myself and test my own limits, to really let everything go, and just be me, not the "perfect girl" but still let love in, and breath in FREEDOM!!