It's been one thing after another, and the only thing that I can think of is to post something to get things out. Found out that a good friend back-stabbed me. I told her something in confidence and she ended up talking to my sister about it. Trust is gone there.... and I've been pulling away from family because of my addiction. They would never understand, they would judge me because of what we all have been taught. They may try and understand but ultimately they will never understand.
So here I am typing and silently crying, just trying to get away from all of the pain. Then my mind goes to suicide and my addiction. I tried talking but it's just to painful. I don't want to go to class tomorrow..... especially don't want to perform when all hell is breaking loose. I just want to smash a ball and pretend it's my family and back-stabbing friend. I'm not even sure how much sleep will actually be good tonight. Going to sleep with all of this pain just doesn't seem right. I have lots to study and to do.... I want out..... but tonight there is not a way to run from all of this. The more I try to hide, the worse it gets..... and tonight it's all too much. I just hope tomorrow is a better day, because today really sucked.
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