Cry

After this past few weeks has been very  hard, but today has been full of flashbacks. Recently, there was a suicide that I was informed about... and going back into that room has been hard, and anxiety provoking. Tomorrow I have to go back to that room, and feel all of the anxiety. And then the realization that my family is no longer safe from me to talk to about all things related to bipolar symptoms.

Tears started to flow....

and flow...

and drop.........

memories have come up.....

issues have come


and NO ONE knows.....

NO one is really safe for me anymore.

I"m afraid, if I start to talk then people will start to be more concerned, and I just can't see that look in their eyes that says that.

I've had several thoughts that make the flashbacks, more real, and more about me. I'm going at this alone, and what I really need is a safe person around me and one that I can talk to about all things related to being bipolar. Where I can feel safe talking about just about anything, and have someone there for nights like tonight. Instead I just cry and hug a pillow, and come on here to see things out, before any other action is taken. AHHHHHHH