Why answered....

I know this post is going to be hard, after the therapy session that I went through today.

And then there's a knock on the door. I really don't want to answer, so I don't. I just want to be alone...

It's been a very hard day for me. Two days before I was suicidal, and then after listening to music, things improved. Today before the session, I prepared by just getting ready for the day. Once I got there, I was early for one thing, but I was able to stay calm. Started to talk, and what it all came down to was this.

Co-dependence. Over the years I have had to rely on family members. There I said it. I used suicide and self-harm methods as a way to escape from the quilt of not doing what they wanted me to do.

After I returned from dinner. (a treat for the hard session) I started to hammer some nails in on the deck out back and one neighbor said don't do that I have a hang over... well that simple statement to me was hard to hear. and I became suicidal for a little bit.

The main thing now is to remember that I still have to talk with my family about all of this. I'm scared to talk about this issue with them.

Sorry no song today, just a huge answer for me. Now for the challenge of the rest of the night.