Skyscraper

I wanted to check on a very good friend, and found out that he is married. I wanted to stay in contact, but he didn't want anything to do with me. He was the first person to find out about the suicidal thoughts. I could trust him, and then I brook a promise to him that night. He spent the night in worry because I never called, I couldn't face him that night, and felt as if I was being controlled by my parents, and I didn't want them to know about the suicidal thoughts. Yet at the same time, I wanted to find some answer from my very good friend. He helped during that first year, and then he wanted nothing to do with me. At this time, I'm angry and hurt that people leave me way to much.

Now, I don't talk about how I'm actually doing, and I just want to run and hide from the world. I forced myself to go on to campus, and right now I want to run and hide quickly. I have been suicidal, and finding out that he is married now, doesn't really help. Then a Demi Lovato song comes on:

Skyscraper

Skies are crying, I am watching
Catching teardrops in my hands
Only silence, as it's ending, like we never had a chance.
Do you have to make me feel like, there's nothing left of me?


 As the smoke clears
I awaken and untangle you from me
Would it make you feel better to watch me while I bleed
All my windows, still are broken, but I'm standing on my feet

Go run run run I'm gonna stay right here
Watch you disappear yeah
Go run run run yeah it's a long way down
But I'm closer to the clouds up here

You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am

 Right now I'm scarred. It's hard to let people in and start talking, and feel like there's something left of me that someone would actually want to be around.

Now after this is all down here, I have to focus on my test that I have to take today. Which means, I have to let him go, and put time into myself.

Why does this have to be soo hard?? Building myself up takes time just like a skyscraper.