This is getting harder. I have three papers to write, and today, I haven't thought very clearly, which makes doing much, very difficult. Not to mention the fact that, I just don't want to do anything, motivation is low, and energy is low. I fell asleep in two classes today, and now all I want to do is sleep, instead of writing at least the intro to one paper.
The end of the semester with thoughts of suicide, wanting to watch Netflix and other media, and over all tiredness. What I want most of all, I have to resit. Addiction is very difficult to get away from, and sometimes it feels impossible. Today is one of those impossible days, but I do know that there has to be something better out there then what I know currently and that thought keeps me going for a few more hours. Sleep is important right now, but so is getting these papers done. What's more important is to feel like you are doing okay. Simple fact, my head feels cloudy, and that feeling gets me ever closer to suicide. What pulls in the other direction? Right now, it's the pain, physical and mental that I'd have to go through to actually commit suicide. I'm determined to not let suicide get to me. Yet at the same time that desire to life is a bit smaller, and harder to see part of the time.
I have work to get done, so I will sleep now, then get up at 7am (when I start to hear weird noises) then I'll get up and start by writing. This first paper is on personality, and using the approaches that we discussed in class. I'll at least get a rough draft turned in, then I can re work parts later. Simple right.... then try adding my head in to the mix... Scream!!
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