Music, the only distraction

I wish I could have music playing all day in one ear. I found that music if it's music I like or classical helps with all that I am feeling. This is the one place that I can just express, but yet I still hide. I don't want to admit that I was close to finding a way to just die. What kept me going is the fact that people rely on me to do things for them. I just hope that tomorrow they are willing to do something for me... before I pop and get close to wanting to just die. My therapist would ask if I am safe. and right now, I don't feel safe. My mind keeps working on wanting pain that it's distracting. I have three tests in the next week and I need to do well. One that I'm stressing over is a short answer test. I just hope I can just put it all out there, and just writing will help to decrease the severity. It's the best hope that I have right now. At least work will distract me farther. I can do this. I have to keep going. I just hope I am not too distracted to think straight.