Reaching for help

I've wondered why asking for help is so hard, and I finally found an explanation. Reaching out for help means letting other know that there is an issue, not only that but due to history. There are several times that I was reaching out for help, and then was suspended from school. Even though I was asking for help that time. Now reaching out means weakness, that I can't handle it by myself, like I was attempting to do. Now after a very trying day, I was close to letting family know, but at the same time, couldn't due to fear, shame, and other things. I was close today on several accounts to enacting an actual plan, it was in my head. And I went into protection mode, meaning no contact with anyone because if I had, then things could have gone badly. People ask me why I don't ask for help, and that's why.