Anxious...grr

I haven't really spoken up yet about what's going on, I haven't even told anyone. I can feel the anxiety slowly increase. I've seen to much in the last few days of what could happen if I loose it. And it doesn't look good. I'm scared, of all the negativity, of all the mind tricks, of all the flashes, of all the lies. I lie to every person about how I'm doing, but it also seems like not many want to know what really is going on. I want to tell the truth but it's hard. I also want things I can't really have, or should have. My mind is the problem, that creates the lying environment.  Who could handle the truth around me.... I have no idea of who I could trust enough to tell the truth.