All day I have had issues trying to get to my studies, but it's not working. I honestly have been here before, the place where when the meds get increased and it seems like there are issues. Some of my sui and si thoughts are high, it makes doing other things extremely difficult. I wanted to start studying as soon as I go home from the Library, but that didn't happen. And then I find topics in shows that don't help. Why do I keep watching them? I don't know.
Now the day is mostly gone and I haven't gotten much done with my studies, and don't want to get to the work. When things are like this, it's hard to do much. Yes, I'm done right now, and I know it. I also know that I have to try something to see what I can do to help, but I also don't want to help myself.
Reasons why I'm posting, well I'm trying not to go completely nuts, I don't want people to tell that things are bad. Since I got really good at making myself look like I'm doing just fine, when I'm not. Which is also never a good thing either, but hey at least I know about it. And at least I know one thing that could help, but I don't want to admit what I could be doing. Besides, I know someone could knock at my door any minute to fix the disposal. And I don't want them to find me in a really bad position. And yet feeling something else would be extremely helpful. Since focusing is very hard, maybe this the only way out. At the same time, I know it's not what I really want, or what could help.GRR
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