I have a nickname for my psych doc... Dr. House. Not a complement at all. I brought up the results from the Psych Eval, and he ignored it, until he talks with the other Dr. over the Eval.... he was more focused on me not knowing where the suicidal thinking is coming from. I've been trying to find that one out for several years now. The thoughts just seem to happen.... and where or what they stem from... I have no clue. Yes that makes it even harder to treat, and I know it. I've known it for years, and it frustrates me even more. Especially when I get lectured in House's office.
I was afraid of his response of the Hospital may be the best place, but luckily that didn't happen. But I think he wanted too, but in conversations past I have made it a point that I won't go back there, unless a series of events happens. Even if it would be helpful, I still can't go around Christmas again.
So, besides all of that, I'll admit it now, I was having the suicidal thinking in House's office. I didn't tell him, it was bad enough to disclose the methods I was thinking off. He also asked if I was able to enjoy things... the truth is, I haven't really for a few weeks. I enjoyed playing music, I'll have to try that again, to see if I can enjoy it. Enjoyment, hopelessness, and the suicidal thinking are my biggest challenges. And once again, I'm alone in this battle..... I'm doing this all on my own... and it sucks. I do have a support network online, but having a friend to talk to at anytime of day would be nice.
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